Horror Movie Survival Guide

On a dark and stormy night, the armies of the undead rise to attack! What are you to do? How can you possibly survive this horror movie scenario? Well, today, I will be telling you everything that you need to survive any horror movie setting, whether it be zombies, vampires, werewolves ect. This guide will make sure that you are prepared for whatever might try to kill you.

Today’s Horror Movie Survival Guide is thanks to an idea from the great people at Man Crates for their Scary Movie Survival Kit campaign. Man Crates is a new gifting company who deliver cool gifts for men in custom crates (you'll need a crowbar to open it!), and they recently asked me: “If you were in a horror movie, what would you want or need in a crate to survive through to the end credits?” By combining weapons, equipment, and other things from reality and horror fiction, I bring to you my ultimate guide for surviving any horror movie's ending.

Garlic, Silver, and Holy Water ammo

Actual pure silver bullets are almost impossible to fire straight in reality due to the metal being far too soft for real world use, so instead, bullets with a silver core, similar to Alucard's bullets from Hellsing, for fighting werewolves and vampires would be the most effective. In addition, shotgun shells with garlic and holy water are a must when combating vampires. 

Remington 870 Tactical

You can never go wrong with a shotgun, and there is none more reliable than the Remington 870, specifically the Tactical variety. It uses 12 gauge shells, which are the most common, thus finding ammunition is easier in a pinch. The Remington would be used in close-quarters against zombies and werewolves thanks to its wide bullet spread.

AK47

The most widely used assault rifle in the world, the AK47 is a tried and true killing machine that would be perfect against the armies of the undead. Unlike the M16, the AK47's 7.62×39mm rounds are larger and thus create a sizable exit hole for maximum stopping power, which would be crucial against various undead creatures.

9mm Glock 19 with silencer

The Glock is widely known as one of the most effective pistols on the market today. Able to hold 15 9mm bullets, the Glock has a distinct advantage over other pistols, and 9mm rounds are some of the most readily available. Add a silencer and it becomes the perfect weapon to use when you do not want to be detected. When you are in a pinch, there is no better handgun to have at your side than a Glock. 

Crossbow

Anyone who has seen The Walking Dead knows how effective a crossbow can be. It is silent and the ammo is reusable. If you use special wooden stakes and silver bolt tips, it doubles as a vampire slaying weapon, as well as a tool for hunting animals in the woods.

Blade's Sword

Wielded by Marvel's half-vampire vampire slayer, Blade's sword is a "specially tempered titanium, acid etched, with a soft steel core, according to the Makuri Forging technique." Perfectly suited for slaying vampires and other undead creatures, Blade's sword is the perfect all-purpose sword, which a real silver sword is effective in reality.

Dragonslayer (Berserk)

Assuming I had the strength to wield such a massive weapon, Guts' massive sword from the Berserk comic book series, which is my all-time favorite, is the most effective weapon against demons and all forms of the undead. Due to its use in slaying evil spirits, the sword exists simultaneously in the Astral and physical realms. Therefore, it can damage beings that reside purely in the Astral layer, as well as the physical. Basically, this means that it can even slay ghosts, as well as having bulk to kill just about anything else imaginable.

Ham Radio

A Ham Radio, also known as an Amateur radio, is a must in any survival situation. Chances are, if you have seen an apocalypse film, you have seen someone use a ham radio. In the event of an apocalypse, cell phones will go down, but the radio waves will always be open. Since it operates over various frequencies, under the right conditions, you can communicate with people around the world.

Fire Starting Kit

Another apocalypse must-have, a fire starting kit would come in handy when trying to survive a zombie apocalypse or if the undead beast that you are fighting is vulnerable to fire. 

Water Filtration Kit

Yet another survival must, a water filtration kit will prevent you from dying of any natural diseases in the event of zombie apocalypse. Seriously, how anticlimactic would it be if you died of dysentery before the movie ends!?

A Sibling

Last but not least, the most important thing is to be in company of someone when surviving a horror movie: a silbing, or more specifically, my brother. Sure, some people might want a fat guy or a dumb jock that can die first, but nope, not I. I would need my brother. We always have each other's back, and, in the end, when survival is most important, that's what matters the most. Plus, he likes guns. And unlike the brothers Daryl and Merle from The Walking Dead, we don't hate each other.

Zombie Annihilation Man Crate

As a special bonus, if you are looking to hack and slash your through a horde of zombies, can you always go with the all-in-one Zombie Annihilation kit from Man Crates. You have all the essentials from a high-carbon steel machete to ultimate utility in any situation: Duct Tape! 

How would you survive a horror movie? What do you think of my choices? Please comments below and let me know!

If you want to contact us or have any questions please send an e-mail to johnstarslayer@gmail.com.

Thoughts on "A Nightmare on Elm Street" guest post by Jamie

Hello, everyone, it's Jamie again! I finally watched "A Nightmare on Elm Street" a few weeks ago; yes, the a classic horror/supernatural/slasher film from the 80's that kicked off a full franchise (of which I have seen zip.) I like scary movies, but only when they're actually well made, or interesting, or have likable characters. So, here are a few interesting things I learned about the classic "A Nightmare on Elm Street" from watching it myself.

Brief Synopsis from IMDb: Several people are hunted by a cruel serial killer who kills his victims in their dreams. When the survivors are trying to find the reason for being chosen, the murderer won't lose any chance to kill them as soon as they fall asleep.

I was actually surprised by the characters of this film. Most of them, at least our main survivors, were surprisingly likable! Often times, you just can't feel for horror characters because they have to be STUPID just to make the plot work. I did not expect to feel much sympathy for our teen leads, but they were written well enough that I found myself concerned for them. Not too terribly much, maybe not as much as I cared for Sydney in Scream, but just enough to get involved in the story! Hooray!

The concept for this horror film is actually incredibly brilliant. It might sound like your typical slasher flick at first (killer after teenagers) but this one has a unique twist: A killer who stalks your nightmares and tries to kill you unless you wake up; its an entire story about staying awake with all your might. That's a pretty brilliant plot to me. Especially when you climb in bed after watching such a movie to think, "Am I actually safe to go to sleep?" At the same time, the film provided a response to fear during its finale, which I appreciated.

For the most part I found the film pretty unpredictable (at least, once it got going. I kinda knew what was going happen there at the beginning.) The movie often made it hard to tell when the characters were either asleep or awake, so I had to pay attention to guess what might be going on. I like horror movies that keep me mentally involved in some form or fashion, and "Elm Street" managed to do just that. I shan't be taking a relaxing bath for a long time! ;)

One of the reasons I finally made myself watch this movie was because it feature's Johnny Depp's first major film role! And guess what, he was pretty good! Thank you, Wes Craven, for recognizing this guy's talent! I'm a huge fan of Depp, so it was fun seeing him as a young actor playing the main character's boyfriend.

And, despite some of the corniness, I personally found "Elm Street" creepily scary, at least while I was watching it. I stayed on the safety of my bed during the film and enjoyed being creeped out by the buckets of gore and jump scares. When I watch horror, I find it incredibly disappointing if it fails to creep me out--I don't want to watch dumb horror; I want to be involved and I want to be scared silly. "A Nightmare on Elm Street" definitely fit the bill of disturbingly creepiness, and it was awesome.

There are a couple of reasons why one might want to watch this film besides "I want to be scared" or "I like horror movies" (because, if you like horror, then you've probably already seen this.)

Firstly, this felt like a classic 80's film: everything about it felt like the 80's and it was awesome! So 80's movies fans who like horror would enjoy this. Secondly, this film is the origins of one of pop cultures scariest killers. Besides Johnny Depp's draw, I wanted to watch this movie just to understand the origins of the many references I've often seen. If you're interested in movie history or pop culture, this is probably a film you should see at some point. 

Unless, of course, you're too scared? ;)

Jamie is a horror fan, Marvel fan, Sherlockian, and anime enthusiast. She sometimes writes about movies and TV shows on her main blog, Through Two Blue Eyes. She discusses the joys of anime on her second blog, Jamie Talks Anime. Come visit her anytime, she will welcome you with hugs in the comment sections. ;) Thank you for having me on the blog, James! :D

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (guest post by Jamie)



Here is another guest by my good friend Jamie.

 

Hey, It's Jamie again! Today I'm going to be reviewing Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, the horror/musical adapted to the screen by Tim Burton and starring Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, along with Alan Rickman. There are several reasons why I wanted to review this movie; it's multi-faceted and you can look at it from many angles. I'm going to start off explaining how I, a sheltered homeschooler, got around to seeing a movie like Sweeney Todd and why I actually enjoyed it. I'll cover the plot, the music and a few of the characters, too. While the film is not for everyone, it was a fascinating piece to view and I hope you will enjoy my post.

Short Plot Summary: The film retells the Victorian melodramatic story of a revenge-seeking Sweeney Todd, a English barber who becomes a serial killer who murders his many of his costumers,  then allows his accomplice, Mrs. Lovett, to process their corpses into meat pies, while he waits for the man who destroyed his family and life to come pay the barber shop a visit....

Warning to Viewers: this film is rated R for graphic bloody violence. I would not recommend anyone under the age of sixteen to view unless you are used to seeing bloody films or have someone there to warn you when to look away if you prefer doing that.

I was maybe fifteen or sixteen when I first crossed paths with Sweeney Todd and it was through the soundtrack. I was in a habit of bringing home a lot of soundtracks from the library to listen to, and one day I picked up Sweeney Todd without realizing it was a musical. However, upon listening to it, I discovered I really liked some of the songs. I managed to paste together the story's idea via the lyrics and pictures in the cd's booklet. Songs like "The Worst Pies In London" "Johanna" "Pirelli's Miracle Elixer" "By the Sea" and of course the vicious "Epiphany" quickly became my favorites and the ones that I re-listened to the most.

It wasn't until this past Spring that I started borrowing darker movies to watch and re-stumbled over the film while making a list of all the Tim Burton and Johnny Depp movies I wanted to see. Because of my recent love of dark Victorian tales and my familiarity with the songs, I got up the courage to borrow the film even with it's R rating. And that's my long journey that led me to finally watch the film.

As I said above, you can look at this movie in different ways. This is the story of a mad man who committed unbelievably cold acts of murder while being completely obsessed with seeing the one man who wronged him suffer his deserved revenge. This is also the story of a once husband and father who lost all that was dear to him and was himself inwardly destroyed and lost all will to live outside of revenge. It's a story where everyone is both a hero and a villain; well, except for Alan Rickman's character, of course. 

When you look at it, it's an extremely dark story with extremely dark elements: lots of murder, rape (alluded to, not shown), cannibalism, ect. To me, the ultimate message of the movie was that revenge, however sweet at the moment, is not healing. Revenge only brings on more death and you end up hurting those you care for most. 

Johnny Depp was amazing. According the special features on the disc, he had never sung before and the first song he ever sang was "My Friends". Even though he's not a professional singer, he did a fabulous job with his songs and really brought out many depths of emotion for his character: broken-heartedness, anger, oily smugness. His acting earns, of course, an A+ from me.

As to my thoughts on Sweeney Todd, or Benjamin Barker, himself: I felt very sorry for him. While there was nothing to excuse his acts of murder, he was actually doing something that made sense to him. Without knowing the message of grace and redemption from Christ, Sweeney could only come to the conclusion that all men deserved die and he was willing to do the job himself. "Emphiny" bring this thought process to life. 

I feel very sorry for Sweeney for how he came to that state; especially when in the flashbacks at the beginning of the film you see that he was once happy. What I did love about Sweeney was how much he loved his wife and daughter even though he had lost them, you can tell he had invested his life into them. So when they were taken, he became like one dead. Overall, he's actually a simple but interesting character who should certainly make you sympathize his plight.

Mrs Lovett was played by Helena Bonham Carter; I've loved her singing voice since I first heard "Worst Pies In London" and I loved seeing her act; she and Johnny make a great couple. A personally side note; I would love to cosplay Mrs Lovett someday because she's a) beautiful b) has a wardrobe that I love (neck line could be higher but besides that) c) she has a fun accent that I can actually manage out when I sing her lines d) I love almost all of her songs and e) I can easily relate to the henchmen role that she has.

As to the character Mrs Lovett herself: she's a great sidekick for Sweeney. You can quickly tell she loves him and wishes he returned her feelings. By the end of the film, however, it's clear that her love is only a selfish love and it doesn't keep her safe around a man like him. As a person, she's rough around the edges, full of good intentions and a horrible cook until she starts using Sweeney's victims in her pies; then, grossly enough, her business picks up. She becomes a mother figure to a orphan who was the servant of Sweeney's first victim and she cares for him very much, showing she has a tender heart afterall. I really like Mrs Lovett and I feel sorry for her too because there was never a chance for Sweeney to return her love.

About eighty percent of this movie is music. While it's not sung all the way through like Les Miserables, the story is carried by song and the use of actual dialogue is a small. The songs themselves all pull together well. The singing feels more natural then the musicals where out-of-the-blue the characters go from talking to doing a musical number in the streets. The characters sing as though it is their way of communicating their emotions and problems to each other. It works for me. Below is opening titles.

Overall: Sweeney Todd: Demon Barber of Fleet Street is a sobering, dark story full of beautiful songs that speak of the depravity of the human race and how it effected one man's life for the worst. This film is not for all. But those who enjoy dark Victorian England, musicals, horror or just the overall world of Tim Burton, should give this film a try if you can stomach the gore that comes with it (or can watch through your fingers like myself). What I took away from the film is that revenge, no matter how sweet, is never the ultimate answer. 

And make sure you know what's in your pie before you take a bite....

~Jamie

Thanks Jamie for another awesome guest review. Be sure to follow her blogs Through Two Blue Eyes! and Fandoms and Films. Please comment and check back tomorrow for my Lego Movie Trailer Review.